…and you believed them
Ask yourself, why you believe what other people say. I read a quote this morning, that I can’t find because my Facebook wall is a fickle creature… the quote left me with the impression that we should stop believing people who would have us limit our dreams.
Yes, that part is true, don’t believe it… You are awesome.
SO? I think there are a huge number of people who are hiding behind the, “Well, my whole life I was told I couldn’t do it, therefore now I can’t” and a whole support community patting them on the back saying, “there, there, it’s not your fault. How could anyone succeed under the pressures of such negative reinforcement“
This may not be popular… but I feel compelled to say it, “believing what other people say, just because they said it… is the easy way out”. Every researcher or scholar worth his weight in salt, finds more than one resource. They find objective opinions, they locate facts and details and experts in the field. Why, at the age you are now, would you not do the same. Why, realizing that you have allowed limiting influences into your life would you continue to wallow (is wallow too harsh?) in the self-pity of a missed opportunity, when… YOU HAVE TODAY? You have this moment to start…. ANYTHING.
I get it, as kids we look to our parents and role models as experts. We think they know EVERYTHING… and we love them for that! I don’t know about you, but I was about 22 – 23 when I realized that my parents didn’t know everything. They simply did the best they could, the best they knew how, with what they had. They did not maliciously set out to ruin my life by leveling their parental restrictions, they were trying to keep me safe with the only tools they knew, in the only way they knew. AND… they weren’t much older than I was at the time of my epiphany.
Now? Now I’m 48. There is no disputing my knowledge about what my parents are and are not experts in the field of… they are very good a many things and I enjoy their company and expert input on many things… and there are some things that I go to other experts for.
As adults, we are able to choose who we listen to. LISTEN. If you start something today, five years from now, you will be five years closer to your goal. YES, there are things I wish I did five years ago, so I would be closer to my ultimate goal today… but I didn’t, I have to let go of that feeling of missed opportunity, and embrace the feeling of excitement in the current moments of opportunities TODAY!
Usually people give their opinions about what YOU can and cannot do, based on what they think THEY can and cannot do… or what they think would work if THEY tried it. Many times they are right, which is why “I told you so” is a common phrase. BUT… I JUST THINK…. if you consider something failed, it’s because you gave up. AND I think that many times we give up, because someone told us it wouldn’t work, and when it didn’t… we believed them, so we gave up. AND I think that for us to believe them in the end, we must have believed them in the beginning.
There are honestly very few people who will wholeheartedly support your endeavor if it involves change, unless it’s a change they are comfortable making. For instance, If you are going to look for a new job in your industry… no problem. If you are going to open up your own company? You’ll hear, “Oh that’s going to be hard?” or “How are you going to do that” or “So and So tried that, he ended up throwing in the towel” … HEY! Stop listening to them… and start listening to yourself. Start finding people who will tell you HOW and WHY it will work. Start listening and following in the footsteps of successful people, instead of wallowing (hmmm… seem to like that word today) in the negative comments of your friends and family who would be just as happy with the status quo. Everyday, think about your success. PICTURE IT! SMELL IT! LIVE IT!
The bottom line is, for you to be happy you need to be fully expressed. You need to act and feel like you. You need to experience each day and work at it and love it and enjoy it! Stop listening to the people who are too scared to try anything new or too intimidated or anxious or maybe even mean-spirited. When you hear them say, “it won’t work”, don’t believe it, instead understand that they are saying, “If I did it, it wouldn’t work” or “If I tried that, it wouldn’t work”.
The best way to avoid negative feedback is… don’t tell them! HA HA HA
This is particularly hard for me… I’m rather gregarious. Whether by purpose or design, I tend to enjoy talking and being a story-teller. This year while writing about happiness and success, I did an inventory and found that my most prominent successes, both financial, physical and emotional all happened silently, without fanfare or support. While, my most prominent failures all occurred with great personal publicity among my friends and family.
It seems, the more I spoke about my intentions and plans, the more I allowed input from other people and the more I allowed their limiting opinions in, the more it modified my actions and the ultimate outcome.
I can’t honestly tell what I would have done differently, I just know that when I talked about it, and talked about it freely and to a lot of people… the idea ended up a dud. When I held it close and worked on it diligently and silently, only leaking little bits… I experienced huge success.
The lesson I have personally learned is… in order to succeed, I MUST believe. I must eliminate the purposefully negative along with the “meaning well” negative influences and for me, that means I need to make sure I don’t hear it. Apparently, I can’t help but internalize the opinions of people I love. I realize that, so, for me, it’s important that I don’t hear it.
You see, I love my family and friends and they are great at the things they are great at… but they aren’t so great at … being me. I’m pretty good at being me. Not one of my friends would succeed at being me as well as I can.
As my success as a coach and writer grows, my confidence will grow. and it’s much easier to discuss actual successes rather than anticipated ones!
If you are reading this online, then you have access to a computer. The internet is a huge resource. You are able to locate and connect with thousands of people who will relay their stories of success. Seek encouragement … not discouragement.
You are awesome! Have an amazing day.
PPPPSSSSTTTTT…. Here’s an audio recording of this blog post. I did it myself! I’m so proud. Tell me what you think.
- Are You Damaging Your Kid’s Self-Esteem? – 3 things you should stop doing immediately (babble.com)
- Day 408 Paranoia of People not Liking Me (atruthseekersjourneyintolife.wordpress.com)
- Secrets to having a better relationship with your parents (pinkandblack-magazine.com)
- Teaching by example: some thoughts on the occasion of Father’s Day (silencetolight.wordpress.com)