Day 3 – 21 Day Challenge Design an Amazing Life

Day 3 Who You Are To You

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.” – Theodore Roosevelt

If you do something once or twice, it’s considered an incident.  If you do it for a few weeks, it’s called a habit, if you do it for a number of years, it’s called a personality trait.  A personality trait is a default setting, or automatic response … to your past.

Let’s take a step back.  You.  Who do you wake up thinking you are in the morning?  Seriously.  When you wake up each morning, who do you think you are?  Sorry, that’s a trick question.  Most people don’t wake up thinking about themselves.  Most people wake up thinking about their challenges.  You know, how they have to get up and go to a job they don’t like, or spend the day doing something they don’t want.  Maybe it’s even a more serious challenge, like a medical challenge, the fact is, most people immediately engage in the external influences in their life upon waking.

How’s that working for you?  I mean, are you filled with joy and happiness most of the time or are you just experiencing little snippets here and there?  My goal is to introduce you to the new habit of joy.

Yes, I said habit.  Most of what we think is actually a habit, sort of a default setting.  We tell ourselves something and subconsciously we find the evidence of the facts and that reinforces the thing we thought and so on and so on.  It’s a habit of thinking.

AND, Social Psychological studies are starting to show that it is harder to naturally bounce back to your baseline happiness from negative thoughts than it is from positive thoughts.  In other words, if you are baseline happy of a number 5, and you get a compliment on a job well done, your happiness level spikes to 10 for about a day.  If later in the week you get reprimanded or something doesn’t go well, and you spike down to a -5, you won’t bounce back a quickly.  You will stay down there, maybe even until something you perceive as good occurs to bring you back to base.

The great news is starting today, you’re going to turn it all around.

Today you are going to start the best part of your life, the amazing part of your life.

Your Story

We all have a story, usually it’s more about convincing ourselves for why we are where we are, or how we are…  but it’s more.  It’s what is keeping you there.

This is the point where most people get really mad at me and start to argue, but I’m not going to sugar coat this:  You are the one writing your story.  You may believe that your story was written by a situation or circumstance, but the fact is, you’re in charge of what you think.  You are who you tell yourself you are and right now, you have the right to tell yourself a different story.

The “You don’t know how hard I had it” argument against happiness

I usually hear, “You don’t know how hard I had it” or “You don’t know how terrible it was” and that’s true.  You know what’s also true?  You are here now, reading this book.  You have an opportunity now to write a different story for yourself.  You can write a story of freedom, happiness, joy and relaxation.

The more you tell yourself that your life is difficult, or stressful or crappy, shitty, sucky… the more your subconscious mind will look for evidence to support it.  Imagine, setting your unlimited powerful subconscious mind lose on the world looking for evidence of your freedom… or joy….

Think about it, do you really want to continue to experience the hardship of your past over and over again?

The “You think you had it bad competition” against happiness

Too often we get sucked into the “You think that’s bad” competition.  We joke about it when we tell our kids that we walked 2 miles to school barefoot up hill both ways, but the fact is too many people want to compete for the “My life is harder” title.  Let them win.

When a co-worker is complaining about their commute to work and you’re inclined to chime in with how much worse your commute was, … don’t.  Let your co-worker win the “crappy commute to work” award.  Seriously. Walk away.

The story that you tell yourself and other people about yourself is what you live.  It’s not that you live it and then you tell it… it’s that you tell it and then live it.  Some would argue this is a  “chicken or the egg” conversation and I want to suggest that until you judge or define something, you haven’t really recognized it.  Once you’ve identified, categorized and classified you now have something that you FEEL a certain way about.  That FEELING causes action (or inaction in some cases) and that is what creates the results.

Thinking à Feeling

Feeling à Action

Action à Results

What is the logical course?  Change your story and you change your results.

The following ar three exercises designed to help you identify your current story.

 “The only person you are destined to become
is the person you decide to be.”   ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Exercise 1: I Am

In this exercise you are asked to complete 10 positive “I am” statements.  Think about things that you like about yourself, think about your talents.  You will notice that the first 2 – 3 will be easy and the 4 – 6 will be challenging and 7 – 10 will be difficult.  Persevere.  In order to re-write your story you need to understand your personal power.

Concentrate on what you want to tell you about you, not what you think other people would say or think… this is about your.

The “I am” statement exercise.  Take 3-5 minutes to complete these statements.

I am ________________________________

I am ________________________________

I am ________________________________

I am ________________________________

I am ________________________________

I am ________________________________

I am ________________________________

I am ________________________________

I am ________________________________

I am ________________________________

 

How did you do?  It’s not easy right?  10 positive “I am” statements isn’t easy.  Even if you didn’t agree before this exercise you may agree now, that we aren’t very nice to ourselves.  If we were it would be easy to fill in these 10 slots.  The fact is, we could probably think about 10 thinks that we don’t like about ourselves much easier.

Do you wonder why this is?  I’ll tell you.

We judge ourselves based on what we think other people think.  We judge ourselves against other people as if they are the standard.  One workshop I did this exercise and I gave suggestions like, “I am a good cook” or “I am a creative” and one of the attendees said, “Well, I think I’m a good cook, but what if no one else thinks it?”  and that, is the point.

This is about you.  This is about how you talk to you, and what you think about when you think about you. YOU ARE ENOUGH!  YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH!  And there isn’t a person on the planet that is you. (I feel like Dr. Suess!  J)

Day 3 Challenge

When you look in the mirror today, whether it’s to shave or brush your teeth or apply makeup or comb your hair, say, “I am powerful” or “I am beautiful” or “I like my hair” or “I have beautiful eyes”. You need to fall in love with yourself in order to have that kind of love to spread.

Each time you see your reflection, instead of judging what’s wrong (i.e. “Oh this dress looks terrible” or “I really have to lose weight” or “I really have to stand taller”) Find what’s Right!

Pay yourself a compliment.

And folks… leave off the negative trailer.

You know what I mean, we say things like, “I love my hair, but my makeup is terrible” or “I love these pants, but I wish I had new shoes.”  We do this all the time when people pay us compliments, you are now officially on notice:  Accept all compliments with a gracious smile and “thank you.”  Including the compliments from yourself!

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