How to Intentionally Change Your LIfe
There are very few people who can honestly say they are extremely happy with every aspect of their life. The question of How to Change your life, is actually answered in the title of this post… Intentionally. The truth of the matter is, you will continue to be, experience and function the same way every day until you intentionally and deliberately change something. In this post I will show you “How you can intentionally change your life!”
Step One: Change WHAT you think about
This is going to be a hard first step. I am going to ask you to ONLY think about positive, kind, optimistic and constructive thoughts. That means, when you read the headline news and you’re inclined to think the worst of someone or something, you need to flip it or don’t read the news. That means, when you see your neighbor walking his dog up the street, instead of standing at he window to watch and see if he walks it on your lawn… you need to walk away and think about something else. Think about something that encourages you… think about something constructive, helpful, positive…
Those examples may seem pretty easy, but what about having to go to the job that you hate, or sit in traffic on your way to work, deal with your ex-husband or wife, or the school’s board of education or … the list goes on and on. Each one of us has those things that we feel powerless to control and overcome. And yet, I am saying that you can overcome them by changing how you think about them. The power that these external situations and circumstances have over your is the power that you are awarding to them.
For example, the little red car that pulled out in front of you that caused you to stop short that you tail gated and flipped the bird and than stewed about the rest of the way to work and maybe you even talked about to your co-workers for the first few hours… had a powerful impact on your life because you gave it to it. The driver of that car, probably gave you about 1 millisecond of thought and it was when they checked to see if there was enough room for them to get in front of you… you have now spent several hours of generating and embracing these negative thoughts and emotions and the only person who it’s affecting is you! Change what you think?
What if when that little red car snuck in front of you, and you thought, “Oh, they must be late for work too” and let it go.
Right? I mean, it’s gone. You now have 4 hours of thought time in front of you free and open to think and experience encouraging thoughts and affirming thoughts! Changing what you think about is the first step to changing your life.
Step Two: Change HOW you think about WHAT you think about.
Now that you’ve decided to try to change what you think about, which means, you’re now making an effort to intentionally pay attention to different situations and circumstances, you can try to change HOW you are thinking about those things. I understand you don’t care for your job and you can’t help thinking about your job, well, because you have to go to it every day. I am suggesting that you change HOW you think about your job.
First, if you truly hate your job, start the process to get a new one. THEN let it go. Instead of focusing on hating your job and the things that you dislike, focus on the things that you like and the happiness you will feel when you get a new job. J
I’m using the job example, because in my experience with the people who I work with, their greatest sense of anger, frustration, and “stuckness” is with their job. This is their bread and butter and when they talk about a new job, most people believe they “can’t” get a new job. The fact of the matter is, most people aren’t willing to do what it takes to get a new job. (and I’ll get to that in the next step) My point is, whether you are actively seeking a new job right this moment and just biding your time until you leave, or have decided to stick it out, YOU DECIDE HOW YOU TALK TO YOURSELF ABOUT YOUR JOB.
You believe what you say, just as much as you listen to and believe what you hear other people say. If you tell other people how miserable you are, you are listening to you too! You are going to start feeling more and more miserable. If you want to change your life and live a life of happiness, joy, contentment and abundance, then you need to start talking to yourself in a way that promotes those thoughts. Soon your thoughts will translate to behaviors and you will be thinking and acting like someone that is happy! 🙂
Chang your life by changing how you think about what you think about. Can you do that? Sure you can, make the decision today that you will only speak positively about EVERYTHING. Have your answers prepared. The answers for “How’s work” or “How’s so and so” or “How’s your leg” or “How’re you feeling” have your positive answers prepared and you’ll experience the happiness as you talk and change how you think about those things.
Step Three: Change WHAT you do to get WHAT you want.
How many times have you said something like, “I’ve tried but it just won’t work” or “I’ve tried but he just won’t do it” or “I’ve tried but I just can’t get it” … If you have tried something over and over again, and you are frustrated and angry because it “doesn’t work”, then it’s time to change how you are trying to get what you want.
I’ll use the job search as an example. If you have decided that you want to change jobs and you have spent the last 3 months sending your resume to every listing on Monster, Careerbuilder and Hotjobs that you see and you haven’t received a single call back, then guess what… it’s time to change how you are applying for jobs.
One of the biggest complaints I get from my clients that are looking to change jobs is, “there are no jobs out there” so, I refer them step 2. If you think there are no jobs, then you won’t find one. When you believe that there are plenty of jobs, then you start to see and experience more possibilities.
-Perhaps when you take your daughter to the emergency room for a sprained ankle, and you’re waiting for 3 hours it may occur to you, that you could be a patient intake person and the hospital is really close to your house and then it occurs to you that they probably have a website and you could check that for openings…
-Perhaps you decide to pick a couple of large companies in the area and just send your resume.
-Perhaps you decide to change how your work experience and cover letter are presented and go wildly creative, funny, and expressive; outline the reason people want to hire you and continue to hire you to make yourself more attractive to prospective employers
The fact of the matter is, if what you are doing isn’t working then you HAVE to change WHAT you are doing. Continuing to do the same thing over and over again will continue to give you the same results.
Another thing that many people struggle to change and perform the same actions over and over again is: Trying to change someone else. Have you ever said, “I have asked you a hundred times to…” or when complaining to friends and family, “I’ve tried to get him/her to…”
It’s important here to make sure that everyone understands that with the exception of children to a certain extent, you have no control over what other people do. Children are an interesting exception because while we literally have no control over what they do, we are here to teach them how to make choices. We are here to help them learn to evaluate and analyze and decide. Other adults, on the other hand, are not our responsibility.
We have no control over other people. None. Start giving yourself a break and letting the other adults in your life take care of themselves and you take care of you. Understand that they see things from a completely different perspective and will never understand things from your perspective. You decide how you feel, you decide what you will do, you decide to take action that will bring you joy and happiness and encouragement, and allow the external situations and circumstances to simply be icing on the cake.
In short, if you are unhappy in your relationship, take a look at what is causing the unhappiness, is it something that you are doing or something that the other person is doing. If it’s the other person, then you must decide to change how you think about it, or make a different change. No one else is responsible for your happiness. That is something only you can define and achieve. You decide what each day will bring you and you decide to make it amazing.
In Summary, intentionally changing your life boils down to; what you spend time thinking about, how you think about those things, and what you do to get what you want. Our society is going to tell you, “NO! You can blame someone else, either your parents, your spouse, your education, the government, your boss” and I’m sorry to inform you that responsibility for your happiness is on your shoulders alone. While all of those external forces may seem to have conspired to drive you as far from happiness as possibly, you are truly the ONLY PERSON that has any power over that aspect of your life. You can let the past define you, or you can use it as a stepping stone to measure how far you have come… The choice is yours.
You decide who you are. You decide to be happy, and you can decide to make each day amazing and filled with wonderful opportunities.